Welcome from Mr. Dill Pickles
(Your Resident Feline Genius)

Congratulations, human.

You’ve done something right once in your life!

You’re holding the definitive guide to life, courtesy of me, Mr. Dill Pickles.

Yes, that Mr. Dill Pickles.

Feline extraordinaire.

Wisdom dispenser.

Nap enthusiast.

Tuna connoisseur.

And now, apparently, author.

You might be wondering, “What qualifies a cat to give life advice?”

First of all, rude.

Second, have you seen your species lately?

You’re overworked, under-rested, glued to glowing rectangles, and you willingly eat kale. Clearly, it’s time someone with whiskers and common sense stepped in.

Unlike you, I don’t stress.

I don’t apologize for taking up space.

I don’t tolerate nonsense (unless it comes in the form of a laser pointer).

I’ve perfected the art of self-care, boundary-setting, and judging others silently from high places. In short: I’m thriving.

You? You’re still trying to find your “purpose.”

Bless your heart.

So, I wrote this book…not out of charity, mind you, but because I felt it was time you learned from a true master of the slow blink and the dramatic exit.

Inside, you’ll find timeless truths about a variety of topics, including rest, confidence, mystery, and how to effectively knock things off tables.

Read it.

Laugh.

Learn something.

And for the love of catnip, stop asking if you can pet me.

You’ll know when the time is right. With reluctant affection,
Mr. Dill Pickles
Life Coach, Philosopher & Destroyer of Houseplants